One more hit from the bottom of the bowl
scream, just scream
just scream it all out
that I can't live in this crumbling castle
i've built around myself
its haunted and failing,
stones are fallin from the walls and ceiling
I need to run, and get to the meadow
where it all started, when i was cathardic
to the world and all it had to offer,
I wanted the record to show that I took the blows
and still did it my way-
and now this is what I have to pay
out, my 25 years that were lived in fear
of my own successes and losses, I became that which I most hate
-one of the timid and cold who never thought it-
or tried to get by on the effort of self-sacrafice
and have now come to realize that I only had
204 pounds of flesh to give; and somehow I went in debt
for every sin I couldnt pay, and every note I wouldnt play
I find myself emtpy and unresolved on this day
that I left nothing for me to fill in the cracks,
there is no glue to spackle it back
and now these holes are a permanent reminder
to the firmament of my own failure
so without the body I lost the Godly
ability to change my ways and locked in the phase
of my shadow standin up and putting me 6 feet down
so that I'm the trail, not the caster
I can't stop this shade from becoming the master
of my reflection in the mirror that always has the look
or terror, won't get better
this fight that I missed because I traded my fist
for one more hiss of the lighter against the green
with every toke i lose my joke of life,
the punchline that now doubles as the knife in my back
that, in fact, was put there by me the first time
I felt a need to excape to the weed,
to make love to Mary Jane,to feel Buddha steal my pain,
and replace it with the devine complacency
an apathy for all the world to see
now to see the deviation of my path,
-I want to cry but gotta laugh-
at this smoldering aftermath I call I life
(that oddly resembles a bowl of pot after a light)
that my own laziness did this, my lack of conviction placed it
and my fear of being myself killed it
Let's see if I can walk away without looking back
By spyboygreen
© 2006 spyboygreen
(All rights reserved)
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