“God’s Will Or My Will.”
Chapter eighteen
“God’s Will Or My Will.”
I have wondered what is God’s will?
If I am a part of God, how do I know what God’s will is?
I hear many people say, “God’s will not mine.” God wants us happy, joyous and free.
I wondered how there could be two wills, God’s, and mine, when God and I are one?
I have asked many questions and read many different books on this subject. I have heard many people say different things on God’s will. I believe God’s will is my will, but I have to ask myself, “Is my will God’s will?”
That is the question I had for quiet awhile. I believe that when I am centered and in connection with the Spirit (God) then my will is God’s, other wise the Spirit goes along with what I choose so God’s will is mine, because God gave me freedom of choice to choose and what I choose is ok with God but it may not be ok with me and if it is not ok with me then it is not ok with God. If I feel uncomfortable with doing an action and I continue to do it then that is when God’s will and my will conflict. I need to be centered with the Spirit (God) in order for me to hear what God’s will is for me. Then I can get in connection with Him and our will is one.
The reason I came to believe this is because in my past I slept around trying to find love and all I was really doing was getting my fix. In my first nine months of sobriety I needed something to fill that empty hole in the middle of my stomach, I was unable to let God fill the hole. I continued to date men and sleeping with them. I did not change that behavior right away. As time went by, I was still acting on the same old behaviors. I started to feel guilty because I knew better. I knew I could do better than I was. My conscience meaning “Soul” was telling me to stop that behavior. I started to listen to the Soul, and I became willing to get help and I stopped that behavior. The reason I say God’s will is mine, is because God gave me free will. I can choose to act on that free will, because it was God’s gift to me. I soon became uncomfortable with my actions. I started to get a conscience, (the knowingness or soul); I was doing something I should not be doing. I call it the Soul letting me know to stop my actions. I was feeling sick inside, which helped me see what I was really doing. I was acting on my will and my will was not in connection with God’s will. The worst feeling I have ever had was doing an action when I knew I could do better and still continued to do it. That is an example of my will and God’s will conflicting.
As I allow the Spirit within to direct me in my life, life is much more enjoyable. I think back to my teens, all I wanted was to be older, now that I am older I want to enjoy the little things in life, the older I get, the more life becomes peaceful. I am not rushing like I used to and I am slowing down to smell the roses. I look around and see the beauty around me. When I was younger I just rushed around and it was like I was living in a tunnel. I had tunnel vision I only saw what I wanted to see I was in the dark. I saw dark. I did not notice the beauty around me. I looked at the negative side of life. Not the positive, I was full of fear. Now I see joy and love. I am looking at things in life through the eyes of God. Most of the time I find myself looking at life with a sense of joy and love that I believe is looking through God’s eyes. If you cannot see the beauty in one of God’s creations; you are not looking through the eyes of God. I find when I am looking at people through the eyes of God, I am not judging them, I am not comparing myself. When I am looking at people with love I am happier, and more enjoyable to be around. When I am envious or jealous, I am not acting Godly. When I act out in rages I am acting on my emotions not with the spirit within, that is why I need to settle down. When I start to feel anger, I count to ten, breathe and just be. Be with God the Spirit that is where I need to be when I experience resentment or anger. I can calm down and not act out on any thoughts that come to mind. I believe it is important for me to let God’s will take over in my life, so I have to work at stopping, and not acting on my thoughts. That is why meditation is important; it helps me calm down and be able to hear the answers on what God’s will is for certain situations.
Different things happen in life so different actions have to be taken. Meditation is good for getting answers on what actions to take. If someone is new to meditation, I believe it is best to talk to a person who knows about meditation and your situation who can walk you through meditations and can talk to you or pray with you. That is what helps me, when I have a problem and I can’t seem to calm down enough to hear the answer. I go to a friend. Sometimes another person can see the answer where I cannot. I have a friend I call on the phone and visit when we can. She helps me see what I can’t always see. We help each other, which is what living is all about sharing with and loving each other. Let’s all give someone a loving hand and stick together with love; so there will be less of us acting out in anger and rage. Love cures all if we let it; Love brings joy to people’s lives if we allow it to. Love is a part of you and me if we uncover it and express it. Love is always here with us Love is a part of us, like God is. God is always with us and if we allow God to shine through us then we are expressing Love, God and Love are one. If we would stop concentrating so much on what we are getting and concentrate more on giving, we would all be getting more because we all would be giving more.
Love is God. God will never leave us so love will never leave us. We can reject the love of God; I have noticed how the love of God has been carrying me my whole life. I would run into people who were willing to help me, my problem was I did not accept the help so I had no help, because I would leave God. But God’s love was always there for me. When I push God out of my life, I am allowing hate, anger and rage in that is why I need to say yes to God and no to fear, anger and rage. When I get into anger, I need to let the love of God flow through me before the anger and rage takes over me. I believe even now I can be real serene, peaceful, and calm then something happens or a thought comes to my mind and with in a second I can get into anger so fast I did not know what hit me. It’s like I completely forgot I have God. I can change the thought and become willing to change and start my day over then the love of God is back. It is up to me on how long I decide to stay in anger and rage, or if I want to be serene and calm. I can get serene just as fast as I can get angry and uptight if I choose to or I can just stay serene if I am willing enough. I have not gotten to that point yet. Notice I say yet because I am leaving the door open to becoming serene all the time.
To be continued...
Copyright © 1999-2006 by Angela Contreras
By Angellady
© 2007 Angellady
(All rights reserved)
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