Sharing with you my friends.
This is not a poem or anything I just thought I should share before you all think I dropped out or something. I am sorry I have not been around the last few months.
I have not written for a while I have been dealing with more on my plate and just have not got that feeling inside of me to write. I am not sure if I do right now but I thought I would at least start and see what comes out of me tonight.
I am back in the wheel chair since November of 2008. I soon will be seeing an orthopedic doctor to see if I need an operation on my knees.
I was diagnosed with Diabetes on November 20, 2008 and ever since I have been changing my eating habits, I lost some weight so that is good news. I guess you can say I have been feeling sorry for myself.
I have good days but I have had a lot more bad days. I know they are not really bad because a bad day is when I let my attitude get in the way, and that is what I have been doing. I have let myself feel sorry for myself. I try to be positive and uplifting because I know that is what gets me through the days. But it really has not been in my heart I have been, I guess you could say fake it till you make it. I feel now it is time to stop and smell the roses and see the beauty around me.
Today we had to take my dog Angel to the Vet he has been dragging his leg a lot lately he broke it about 7 years ago when a big Golden Retriever stepped on him and it broke and the vet did not fix him right his leg became infected and he lost his pads and nails on that paw. But he has recovered very well and been walking great since, except for the last week he has been dragging that leg.
So we went and got it checked out at the vet, and he has arthritis, which I am not surprised, considering the leg was broken and he is almost 14 years old. While I had Angel in my lap in the car I felt a peace come over me looking at him he was calm not knowing where he was going but he had his head on my shoulder and just looking out the window with a peaceful look on his face.
He made me smile and thank God for the blessings in my life. I thank God every day for my blessings but some days I have to really force myself to think of some I know I have many blessings more blessings then not. But some times it takes a lot for me to let them out. I guess because a part of me still likes to sit in misery. But as always I get sick of it and I get out of it. Just this time it lasted a little longer then it has in the past. So today even though we had to get some medicine for Angel it turned out to be a good day. Angel always makes me stop and smell the roses, and see the beauty in life. He stays in the moment and enjoys every second. I am learning so much from him.
I do not know what I will do with out him in my life. I know the day is coming when he will pass on and go home. I see how much he is aging and he is a lot slower and he is not able to chew well I make sure his food is like powder that way he eats it with no problem he loves to eat just cannot chew it. So he is eating good just eating food that looks like powder. I love him he is my little baby. We have had him since 1998 he was 2 ½ years old when we got him.
I thank you if you read this far because I really did not know what I was going to write about. I just thought I better start since it has been about 3 months since I wrote last. I forget when I wrote last. I guess I could look at my poems and see.
Well today is a good day because I started over and asked God to make it a good day and I am changing my attitude. I have been feeling a lone for a while and I am not alone I have all the love you can ask for my husband is wonderful he loves me and I love him more then anything. I have God with me every step of the way. So I really should not be feeling alone. But I am human and so these feelings do come. I just feel alone with living with Lupus and now diabetes my good friends are on line, in my groups I am in, and in support groups. I am so grateful for you all and you know who you are.
My family is small my husband and my dog is my family basically. I have made some friends who like to call family.
God always brings us what we need. God brings the people into our lives when we need them. Thank you God.
As for the friends who have known me for a while many of them seem to be kind of distant and I guess that is why I let myself get into a depression the last few months.
I have stopped calling them because they don’t call back and I don’t chase people. I stopped that a while ago. Some times I feel worse talking to some people so I have to just take a break. God will let me know what step to take next. He always does.
Those of you on line I love to talk with and we email each other all the time you all keep me going. I thank you for it. I think some times when some one has health problems that some times other people who don't have health problems seem to shy away and stop calling and contacting. I don't know why, it is not catchy but that is what I am experiencing with people that I know who do not have health problems.
Oh well this will pass or they will just fade out of my life as many have already. I just think the people who are true friends stick with you when your having hard times so that is ok I am learning. I am thankful for my husband who loves me no matter what and has stuck by me in the good times and the hard times. I do worry about him cause he does not have people to share with like I have you all. But he never complains but I know he is stressing he worries about me and he also has some things he is going though and I am here to share with him and love him as he does me.
I tell him to go out with his friends so he can have some free time but he worries he says when he is not working he wants to be with me and yes he does work a lot he really has no time to do anything but work and sleep and take care of me. But I try to encourage him to take some free time for himself.
Sorry for going on and on I guess I needed this.
Thank you if you did read this far.
I am thankful for all of you who have been such a wonderful friend.
Well I guess this is enough for now I hope everyone is doing well and is having a great start on the
New Year.
Once again thank you for being part of my life.
Hugs Angela
By AngelaContreras
© 2009 AngelaContreras
(All rights reserved)
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