every day i die
every day i die
and every day
i wake up again
it’s a repetitive curse
or a mythology of mixology
in my mixed up bar tended life
my cat or cats have cancer
i had it
my mother had it
they had it
they died
she died
they better not die
yet
and i’m still here
cursed
i wake up again
with the same ache
the same absence of love
the same empty spot
on the same empty pillow
next to me
curse the day
those mirrors broke
the diagnose took hold
the blood died
and i lived
to sing the song loudly in my hospital room
“i’d die without you”
but i didn’t
nah, i’m still here crying
i have to see the pregnant bodies
the fetus
the couples
the families
the conservatives
the white people
who all live a life that is beyond my reach
i’m the awakened one
the Bodhisattva
the angel with the crooked halo
for what better good does come of this
misery of mine?
hopefully i’m enhancing their lives
for me, every day there’s more bad news
more bills
more tears
more illness
more fears
more to contend with
can i please swap this titanium for china?
i don’t want to be strong anymore
i don’t want to be independent
i don’t want to be alone with this sadness
i don’t want to wake up next to this damned empty pillow
i don’t want to wake up sometime
to this
repetitive
repetitive
repetitive
curse
placed upon my heart
© 2007 Colette
By Colette
© 2009 Colette
(All rights reserved)
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